Peace and Chaos.



I'm in and out of chaos constantly. 
Peace and chaos reside beside each other. 
I have always run to my solace,
My escape,
From the chaotic,
Peace,
Calm,
Chaos.

Always turning,
Round and round,
One chases the other.

They're like partners,
Identical twins,
Or close relatives. 

Together they dance, 
Hand in each other's hand,
They dance. 
Location: Northwest Raleigh Raleigh

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Living with a girl named Borderline Personality Disorder: A Short Tale of My Relationship

Image
You don't believe in me, never have. And, you always leave. Before I ever met you, I made a commitment in my heart and to God, about being honest and faithful and living with integrity. I carved out space for myself to be able to accept what The Lord was about to put in front of me. I envisioned what I wanted, put my goals into focus, then you came along and other things started to fall right into place. There were lots of red flags, mind you, but it was just some dates. There were no big commitments to make, so I went with it.  Our first year was awesome. You were loud and rude and aggressive, but those things I overlooked. Yes you had two kids from two different men, with odd entanglements and you were only 33 at the time. Still, okay, not ideal but, again, it was just hanging out, no big commitments. Then the world shut down. You were on me like a hound. Never wanting to let me spend time alone or a part. Showing up outside of my place, unannounced at times. Okay, you were ...
Read more

The Deepest Pain

Image
Losing your kids.  I have been really sad this week. I'm kind of always sad actually, to be honest with you. It's like a constant current of sorrow flowing underneath the surface all the time. There's no point to which it stops flowing. There are only moments when you get distracted from the feeling of it. But the sensation of that roaring invisible river will return. It always returns, it's always there….it's always there.  Everything changed. It all just fucking changed and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be. My kids don't live here. Everything I've done, all the choices I've made, the goals I have set have been all around them. I stayed here for them. I ended losing everything for them. I have been making choices, all of them, around creating a picture that the court will deem worthy enough so that I can just be considered good enough to have them live with me…provided they even want to. But I have NEVER wanted to take them back l...
Read more

Rugged Where You Are.

Image
Who has time for anyone else's shit? No one. No one has time for anyone else's shit. Nobody has time for that. There are so many hurt people out here with us in the world. They are all around. Everywhere I look, every post I see- there's hurt. Anxieties, mental health issues, traumas, brokenness, chaos, destruction, self destruction, sadness, hurt hurt hurt! So much hurt. So much pain, and anger too. Toxicity, narcissism, manipulations, assaults, abuses of every kind.  So much fucking hurt. And, everyone is carrying this hurt around with them. It's undealt with. So it sits there,  it tucks itself far beneath the surface, far below the skin, past the muscle tissues, it goes past your protective rib cage, it burrows deep into the secret chambers of your heart-the source and machine of your very life. The pump-house to your entire body-your lungs, your veins, your legs, your hands, your eyes, your brain, your feet, every fiber and cell of your life is sourced from your hea...
Read more