How Did It Get This Bad?



#RootdownRiseup
It was just my birthday (May 1st), and I'm here, once again, wanting to share some reflections. But first, quick bullet points of the major things (for those sort of interested in me but not much more than a paragraph) of what has happened in between today and a year ago:


  • Liz and I were officially divorced at the beginning of the year, 1/25/18
    • Our separation agreement was finalized in Nov. 2017
  • I did work at the Angus Barn, but had to had to give that up, because it wasn't a good job for my life situation.
  • I went after my yoga teacher certification through LifePowerYoga. I was super nervous about posting a GoFundMe, but I was convinced to give it a-go and BOOM, y'all help me raise what I needed to raise in the first 24 hours. Not a penny more was raised after that. It was amazing, it was the exact minimum amount I needed to raise to pay for my certification. Thank you, everyone, for your support!
  • I got hired by Lifetime Fitness and I love it. I teach a lot of yoga lately.
  • The kids have been awesome. 
    • JB was one of the captains of his football team and he was a star performer in the school musical. He was Aladdin in "Aladdin." Leesville does an awesome job with their plays. 
    • This spring he has been taking piano and guitar (acoustic) lessons. He got the performer bug. I'm so proud of him. He's graduating 5th grade in June.
    • Sophie has continued her gymnastics and tumbling. She's the major crafter and DIYer in the house. She's doing great in school and is still as ooey-gooey as a soft cinnamon roll center. I am so proud of her too. Sophia is finishing the 3rd grade. 

  • Never thought it would happen ("Never Say Never," is that how it goes?), but Liz and I just had our first hearing for child custody. Yuck! That wasn't fun. Shit got ugly! I'm talking, you can't make this shit up kind of thing, but apparently, you actually can make shit up (details below). 
  • Liz, my ex, got engaged in less than a year of our separation and is getting married in June of this year. The house is going on the market asap and she and her fiancè, Tim, will be moving to a home in Virginia close to Charlottesville, VA, where he currently lives.
  • Oh, and one big thing, my father, who was silent towards me for 15 years, came out of hibernation and starting talking to me again. That happened back in the late fall of 2017, but he has since then returned to his old ways when I didn't bow down and kiss his pinky ring (aka his ass) when he turned his attention toward me and uttered sounds from his mouth. 
Other, maybe lesser important, things from 2017-2018 (for some humor relief) 
  • The Chicago Bears still suck (I hate to love him so much).
  • I still enjoy cigars.
  • I completed 21 days of going vegan, gluten-free, caffeine-free, low-to-no sugar, no alcohol and no tobacco. YIKES. 
  • I'm still working on a handstand. The goal is #handstandbefore40. 
All in all, the year has been rough (on paper, and will be for some time), but I feel more alive inside than I have in years, maybe than ever before. It hasn't been by accident though, it takes a lot of intentional practice. The seeds sown in the winter of life, found some roots, much like a flower in an urban jungle.

And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, let alone much worse...shit finds a way, much like life. 

April 18, 2017, the date of our court child custody hearing before an NC judge. 

Bottom line, because it's easy to spin out of control trying to share this experience, but my ex-wife went to new depths, ones that didn't even know existed that were possible to reach. 

On that stand, before me and the state of NC my-ex and her mother drafted a portrait of an alcoholic, ill-tempered, hardly employable and lazy man. "I don't even remember Mike reading a book to the kids." "She does all the 'heavy-lifting' in raising the kids." "I'm the organized one, he doesn't do any of the 'real' stuff." "I know the kid's friends parent's names." "Mike has had some jobs but nothing really that steady." "I remember that Mike would usually be the one drinking." "He's more of the rock star dad and likes to come in when it's fun too." 

Let's take a moment to take a step back because even now I don't hold any ill-feelings towards my ex. Although I was totally taken back by what transpired in that courtroom, what I heard was someone that thought they loved me, but, really, just had unresolved pain. Pain, that was once a broken heart. Pain, that was once unfulfilled love, but turned into hurt that turned into anger that turned into venom that turned into delusion. Pain that turned into hurt that turned into a hunger for justice. I'm not speaking for on her behalf, but I do know that it's human reflex to want someone else to hurt much like we have been hurt...sometimes we want the other to hurt even more. 

She has hurt and anger, that's all I'll say, but I had pain and anger too. I hurt her, not denying that at all. I went through some dark internal shit on my own too. That's how broken marriages go, yeah? We didn't end up here in a day, we did some serious building up of frustration and unmet need for years and years. That's all I'll say about that.

We separated in 2017, I officially moved out into my own residence in February 2018, but our separation was finalized on Nov. 2017. Our divorce was legally finalized on Jan. 2018 when it, legally, should have been Feb. 2018, not a big deal, except that my ex and her new fiancé, Tim, broke ground on a building a new 7-bedroom house back in Nov. 2017 before our separation was finalized. Her new fiancé, Tim's deceased wife, passed away in March 2017, leaving 4 kids behind. My ex told me that she met Tim in May (2017), but I didn't hear anything about Tim or anything about their relationship til after we signed our final separation agreement at the end of November (2017). I wasn't even told about how serious their relationship was until January of 2108, when I found out from my son that they were moving out of state. I wasn't told anything directly. I just happened to text JB, my son, one night saying, "Hey Son, how are?" "HORRIBLE," he replied. I asked why. "Mom just told us that we're moving." I was shocked. 

I didn't find out they had even broken ground on a new house until that time, April 18th, 2018, in court. And, they have a wedding date already in the books in June (next month) that I wasn't told of until that day in court, as well. 

➔ So in short, here's the timeline, Tim's wife, my ex's finacé, passed away, due to cancer, in April 2017 (but her lawyer said, at least twice, in court, 2016), they meet in May, fall in love, agreed to get married, plan a new home and break ground in 6 months time, plan a wedding date and move my kids out of state away from me, all without mentioning a single word to me. Hmmm 😬???

Is it just me or is this craziness? 

Our kids have both indicated that they don't want to move. They have a great thing going on here, great thing! My ex-doesn't talk to me about it, doesn't listen to the kids nor indicates that she cares. It's all so heartbreaking. I can't imagine doing such a thing as doing that to our kids. I couldn't stomach it, not even for a moment. 

Let me reiterate, I don't hold any grudges nor ill feelings towards my ex-wife. How can I work with someone that is choosing to just run away and pretend that all this doesn't matter or that there aren't any consequences? 


So where do we stand now that we had our day in court? Waiting. The house (our house) is on the market, there's already on offer to buy (all in less than a week). My ex, I'm sure, wants to get out of dodge, because her new house is complete and ready to move-in. Her fiancé has already begun moving in. Their wedding is in June and I'm sure she just wants to move out and move on. However, she can't because she needs the judge's approval and I want full custody. So, it's a waiting game now for both of us. Yuck, this is disgusting. 

Hit me up on Facebook or email me @ mikeybooc@gmail.com if you have anything to ask or say.


Through it all, I keep breathing, waiting in eager anticipation of a better day.


Peace be with you. 


GoFundMe Page is here.









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