Posts

My Calm in my Storm (5/23/18)

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First, let me say "Thank you!" for the many of who read this and connect with me as a result. I love you for it.

I have received feedback lately that my posts sound angry and giving suspicions that I'm harboring bitter grudges in my heart. Let me say this, clearly, I am not angry nor do I have bitterness in my heart. 

Early in 2017, I was in a much different place, not angry, just sad. I was full on anxiety, full of depressed thoughts, I felt lonely and disconnected. Knowing full well that, at some point, I would have to shake it off and forge ahead somehow. Anxiety and Depression never stopped knocking, and I made a commitment then to, one, not answer that door, and two, lean into my discomfort by doing the exact opposite of what depression was telling to do: Connect with others and work on myself through cultivating my mind, body, and spirit. 

The only way I figured to lean into my discomfort, big time, was to share it via social media. However, my intentions have never b…

How Did It Get This Bad?

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It was just my birthday (May 1st), and I'm here, once again, wanting to share some reflections. But first, quick bullet points of the major things (for those sort of interested in me but not much more than a paragraph) of what has happened in between today and a year ago:


Liz and I were officially divorced at the beginning of the year, 1/25/18Our separation agreement was finalized in Nov. 2017I did work at the Angus Barn, but had to had to give that up, because it wasn't a good job for my life situation.I went after my yoga teacher certification through LifePowerYoga. I was super nervous about posting a GoFundMe, but I was convinced to give it a-go and BOOM, y'all help me raise what I needed to raise in the first 24 hours. Not a penny more was raised after that. It was amazing, it was the exact minimum amount I needed to raise to pay for my certification. Thank you, everyone, for your support!I got hired by Lifetime Fitness and I love it. I teach a lot of yoga lately.The ki…

An Open Letter to my Father.

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Let me begin by saying this letter isn't intended to hurt, to shame or to criticise. This letter isn't even about me venting buried pressure from years of frustration. Plainly said, this letter isn't rooted in any kind of grudge or bitterness. It is with an open, honest an vulnerable heart that I share the following.
I thought very hard about this format, and although I know it'll cause pain and I'll catch negative feedback, in my heart this is the best way forward.

Dad,

We started talking after 15 years of silence. It started back up, last year (2017), in the fall and it was a little awkward at first, but we had to start somewhere. I had to ask, at some point, "So, like, where have you been?" It's the type of question, I feel, that perhaps, one of my kids would ask me, if I was absent from there lives for so long. It's a very common sense question to ask. You never liked that question and have always felt very attacked by it. You got angry at me, hu…

Why am I Fighting for My Kids?

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2018, So Different from 2017, Right??? Errr...Maybe not so much.

Here are some quick bullet points to catch you up to speed on my life:

(2017)

Former business partner stole money..lost everything.My (ex) wife and I split up and I moved out. We're divorced now. Depression knocked and knocked and knocked, but I ignored it with my yoga mat in hand, carved out some sacred space and tapped into a whole power within me.Had a good job at The Angus Barn, but it, being a service job,  kept me missing my kid's lives, because I had to work every holiday and weekend, so I left that job to spend time, the only thing I had to give, with my kids. It was very scary to do so, but I'll never ever regret it. One of the best "dumbest" things I've ever done. Went on to Yoga Teacher Training and I am now a certified teacher teaching yoga at Lifetime Fitness (freakin love it) and other studios in the area. Started working on a getting a non-profit org started...still in progress (had …

2017, The Year that Was(n't)

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2017, easily the worst year on record. Or was it?

As in traditional end-of-the-year reflections, let's recap shall we?  (Commentary is at the bottom)

This time last year, my wife and I were at our wits end with each other living in the same house. We toughed out the holidays together, so as not to ruin the holidays for our entire family.I moved out of the house at the beginning of the year and began to live entirely on my own for the first time in my life. I always had roommates, never an entire situation all by myself. Had the worst conversation with my kids, having had to break the news to them that their mom and I breaking up. That sucked...to say the least. Worked as a server after an 18 year hiatus at The Angus Barn. Met some incredible people there (also some bad ones. Such is the way of the service industry). Battled through anxiety, loneliness and overwhelming stress. Battled through ongoing legal bullshit with my former business.Worked long nights, had early mornings. 12 hou…

Exhale the BullShit, Inhale the Good Shit.

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How is it, that the human heart can produce so much love and energy when it knows so much hurt and betrayal?

How does it go?


"Inhale the good shit, Exhale the bullshit."
It makes a lot of sense; bring in the good, let go of the bad. But, this morning as I reflected on another crazy ass exchange with my estranged Dad, it dawned on me that I was breathing in bullshit, I had to exhale something more positive. 
"Inhale the bullshit, yet Exhale some better shit."
This thought was brought you from my most recent exchange with my Dad. 


Michael, I don't understand what I said or did to get you mad at me this time. I realize you're a busy guy with a life of your own, but I have been making attempts to talk with you with no success. I'll just leave you to do your thing, and you can try contacting me when you're able to find the time. No, I'm not mad nor upset at you either, I have just been trying to get up with you to no prevail on my part. Love Dad. MON 2:50…

"What do you want to do?"

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Lately people have been asking me, "So, what are you looking for?"

People have read my posts and have known that I'm working in a position that I don't currently love, nor does it utilize my gifts and education. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for what I'm doing and I'm meeting wonderful people, but it's not where I want to stay. I'm grateful to pay my bills (...most of them, lol 😕), but I need something more reliable and steady. I have people to support now and for many more years to come.

"What do I want to do?" I've been asking myself, because people keep asking me. 

"What am I good at?" So many questions I ask myself. 

I am good at a ton of shit. I'm debating writing all the things I know I'm good at and competent in here, but, at the same time, I feel, in doing so, I fighting for approval here. I have plenty of experience doing lots of things. I have always accomplished most or all of my goals, but I don&#…